99 & 1

This past Saturday afternoon God asked me a remarkable question. After I had finished community meal, and returned a phone call I went outside and sat on the steps of the back porch. I needed some fresh air and it was a beautifully warm SoCal Saturday. I sat there enjoying the warmth of the sun on my skin wondering where to begin my conversation with God (it’s been awhile since we’ve talked) while my soul was sighing heavily-weary & overwhelmed.

Since being out here in L.A I’ve been battling apathy and distance from God. After 5 years of Christian college & studying the Bible I’m at a “so what” kind of place. What does all this stuff mean for a twenty something living in LA? Perhaps at one point I had some sort of answer (or perhaps it was optimism) but that seems to be less the case these days. I know that this is in part due to The Great Disconnect of the head & the heart. I also know that the rest is due to poor spiritual maintenance; I don’t really pray anymore unless someone texts me a specific request and I don’t read my Bible anymore. There’s a severe lack of desire & interest in these disciplines and I’ve more or less let myself go to pot spiritually speaking.

This was the place I found myself in, as I sat on the steps with God. I simply asked, “Where are you?” A few minutes later He told me that I was asking the wrong question. (no surprise there) And in true God fashion, He answered my question with a question-“where, are you?” I sat there baffled and intrigued by this query. This is the very same question He asked Adam & Eve in the garden on that unfortunate day. (Genesis 3)I imagine it’s the same question that plagued the father of the prodigal son,(Luke 15:11-32) while his child was away. I suspect that this is the same inquisition made when the Good Shepherd leaves the 99 to go find the 1.(Luke 15:3-7)

 The 99 & the 1. I used to pride myself on being part of the 99. It seems that I’ve forgotten that once upon a time, I was once the 1. It appears that in this season, I am again, the 1. I had to realize and admit in that moment that where I am, is lost. That where I am, is confused. That I am currently living in the land of doubt & apathy & excuses/laziness. I have no clue where I am, but He does. Even in the midst of my lost state, I am undoubtedly grateful for a God who loves & seeks the 1.