Beg

Tonight I went to check out a church service with 2 of my roommates. It was disappointing beyond words. We left early, if that gives you any idea about what it was like. I've never left a service early before simply because I didn't agree with how it was run. I came home weary & overwhelmed & put on some Shane & Shane to help me better process what the heck just happened.  I know there's deeper issues at the root of this.

 I wrote in my last post that God had asked "where, are you?" and I didn't really have an answer other than feeling lost while living in the land of apathy, excuses & laziness. Shane & Shane's song 'Beg' came on and as I listened to the words I thought to myself: "this is me, parts of the song are where I am currently, and other parts are probably where I've been prior to this desert season. I posted the lyrics. I don't know, maybe someone else needs these too.

Here I am

One more day of not
Loving Him the way He asks
In fact my heart is singing praises to the things
that make me feel alright

So I’m sinking fast like a stone heart should
And on the way down
I’ve done what I could
To try and try to turn this stone to flesh

I’m haunted by my God
Who has the right to ask me
What by the nature of my rebellion
I cannot give.

So I beg for you to move
I beg for you to move
I beg for you to break through

So here I am
Got my deeds for the day
All my cute little words about
How I am saved
Am I saved?

Could I love you with my mouth like a church kid should
At the end of the day
My words get burned as wood
Oh, but I was good.

I’m haunted by my God
Who has the right to ask me
What by the nature of my rebellion
I cannot give.

These songs are noise
In your ears
A clanging drum
You want my love