About a month ago, life as I knew it, came to a complete stand still. All future plans flew out the window right before my eyes, & I was left standing with one hand in my pocket & the other hand scratching my head; wondering what was next, & experiencing a complete spectrum of emotions. Currenty I'm still in that place while simultaneously learning the things that God is trying to teach me.
One of the lessons I'm learning is how to wait in Him. Waiting, I used to think was inter-changeable with patience but I'm learnng that while the two are closely related there are some differences between the two. I think that waiting is a place, a state of being-while patience is a by-product of learning to live in that place. I think that waiting is a season, it comes and goes like fall & spring but with much less predictability, while patience is to be exercised at all times & in all seasons of life. I am also learning about my myself that I have never ever really been forced to stop and appreciate the beauty of being in a season of waiting. I know this is largely in part caused by the fact that I struggle with contentment & as a result, my mindset is constantly thinking that the grass is always greener somewhere else. I have also become aware of the fact that I severly lack patience. Thus learning to live in a season of waiting with little to no patience has been a little rough to say the least, but by His strength He makes it easier with each passing day and by His grace I recognize more & more the beauty of this place.
"Because of the Lord's great love, we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, the Lord is my portion; therefore, i will wait for him." -Lamentations 3:22-24-
I am also learning the implications of valuing the journey more than the destination. As of now I have absolutely no idea of what I'm doing or where im going after I get back from my internship in Italy the end of July. [though I think I hear Phoenix calling my name ;)] It has become clear to me that I am at the mercy of God, that I have NO control over anything happening around me. The only thing I can control, is my response to the situations around me. Through God's grace I am choosing to learn all that He has to teach me with an atittude of humility & joy. I'm learning on this journey, that while I have never felt more out of control about the things around me, have also never felt more freedom in knowing that God is guiding my steps each and everyday- whether I can see it or not & regardless of where He will lead me in the long run. I'm learning that valuing the journey more than the destination means living in the moment, making the most of every opportunity God presents, having the sense to know when God is moving & responding accordingly. Being on the journey means living in the here & now as if it were my last, because I'm not promised tomorrow. Ultimately I'm learning what it means to enjoy the journey in this season of waiting, as ironic as it sounds & I know that when it's time to head to the next place God will let me know, in His own way, & in His own time.
"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, 'This is the way, walk in it'" -Isaiah 30:21-
