26

Today I am 26.

It’s a little overwhelming to write that, because things haven’t turned out the way I thought they would or how I wanted them too, but that’s ok because I’m learning and re-learning that that is just life with God.

I promised a good friend that I wouldn’t let those birds of sadness rest in my hair. I promised her I would enjoy my day and count my blessings. So to keep that promise & and start this day with a heart of gratitude, I am writing a post about 26 blessings from the last year-in no particular order.

“Let gratitude be the pillow upon which you kneel to say your nightly prayer.”—Maya Angelou

1.  My Mom-though we may not always see eye to eye on everything, she is always in my corner-cheering, encouraging, offering help & guidance and bailing me out of whatever pickle I’ve found myself in.

2.   My Sister-her tenacity & brutal honesty I’ve come to love and appreciate in recent years. I’ve enjoyed the immense growth in our relationship over the past year and hope it only continues.

3.  My Friends-hands down I have THE GREATEST friends on the face of planet earth.  They’re amazing & I love them immensely.

4.   Humility-Not having a car has been an interesting tool that God has used to increase my humility.

5.   Public Transportation-I love the people watching and the interesting conversations I get to sometimes have. It’s also a great teacher of patience.

6.   Biking-I love commuting by bike, it’s great exercise, a fantastic way to see a city and it has really helped me to think, de-stress and breathe.

7.  Gardening-who knew I had a green thumb? There’s something incredibly spiritual and comforting        about having your hands in the dirt & watching things grow.

8.   Preschoolers-I love their energy and curiosity about the world. Everything is new & exciting.

9.  Teaching-A gift and passion that God has blessed me with, both spiritually and practically.

10.  Bro Time-some of my favorite & funniest memories from this past year have been from just hanging out with the guys.

11.  Seasons-after living in place that has no seasons and then coming home, God has opened my eyes to the beauty of seasons & how they relate to life.

12.    Driving-I’ve gone from driving all the time and everyone to being a constant passenger. When I do get to drive it’s such a treat.

13.  Authenticity-this past year was crazy & hard. It was really nice to be able to call friends & honestly & openly talk about my struggles & frustration in a safe space.

14.   The Desert-while you’ll probably never hear anyone say they love being in a desert season everyone will tell you that you come out a better person

15.  Being Stripped-a rather miserable and painful process but part of the desert season and is rather freeing in a sense.

16.  Latino Food-Probably the best eating of my life (to date) occurred in the past year during my time in Los Angeles.

17.  Perspective-While in Los Angeles, I had the opportunity to meet, talk, & live with people from all walks of life. I had dialogues about all sorts of things that I may not have had otherwise.

18.  Experiences-this past year I was able to try all sorts of new things with all types of people, many of which I think will shape me for years to come.

19.  The Ocean-words can’t describe how nice it was to be so close and have such access to one of my favorite acts of creation.

20.  PCH/Hwy 1-miles and miles of highway laid out beside the ocean-absolutely breath-taking

21.  My time in Los Angeles-though it was definitely bittersweet, it taught me more than I ever thought I could learn and will continue to shape me.

22.  A God Who Pursues-there is nothing more beautiful than a God who pursues His prodigal children.

23.  Hospitality-the hospitality that was shown to me during my year away was staggering. The number of people who opened their homes and hearts to me is proof that there’s still hope for humanity.

24.   El Roi-“the God who sees me” My experiences from this past year have only re-iterated why that is my personal name for God.

25.  New beginnings-I’ve fallen in love with the city of Atlanta since moving here-it’s perfect for my new beginning. Here, I get a new beginning, while applying all that I’ve learned in Los Angeles.

26.  Dream Job-today I was offered a dream job. I’ll be the lead teacher of a 3’s & 4’s room for an up & coming preschool to underserved kids. All of my favorite things about what I did in Los Angeles but for kids who may otherwise not have access to such activities.

“God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say ‘thank you?’”

--William Arthur Ward

An Open Letter to the City of Los Angeles

I intially wrote this towards the end of my time in Los Angeles. I had written it for an intern blog but then didn't end up using it and for one reason or another I just never got around to posting it on here, mostly I think due to timing. Today the timing appears to be just right.

Dearest L.A,

As our time together comes to a close, I’m realizing just how bittersweet our time together truly was. You have challenged me in ways I never imagined and you have helped me to realize things that I might have otherwise missed had it not been for you. You have challenged every aspect of my idea of community; you've challenged my patience and grace as well as my personal standard for cleanliness. Our time together has allowed me opportunities to meet, talk to and connect with people whom I might not have had the pleasure and privilege  to meet otherwise. You have helped me to realize that God is usually where I least expect Him to be and that the “sacred” and the “mundane” more often than not, are one and the same.

As a result of our time here you have helped me to realize things that I have a passion for and am interested in learning more about, social issues such as food injustice and the various topics surrounding it as well as immigration and education. Our time together has allowed me to discover and pursue new hobbies such as gardening (turns out I've got a bit of a green thumb after all), cycling (a great way for me to clear my head), and food (need I say more?). I will always be thankful for the whole new world of food that you have introduced me to: pusole, bacon wrapped hot dogs, oranges from orange trees, papusas, mole, arroz con leche and many, many more. My stomach will be eternally grateful.

Thanks L.A for reminding me of the beauty and importance of grace & mercy in everyday life. Thanks for the people I have met, the friends that I've made and the lessons I've learned. Thanks for deepening my understanding of perseverance as well as The Divine, and last but certainly not least-thank you Los Angeles, for a year I will never forget filled with intense growth, life lessons and an expanded perspective on life.

October

October holds for me what I believe to be all things Fall in a single month. It has Halloween, pumpkin carvings, hayrides, pumpkin spice lattes, apple cider, fall weather, scarves, boots, hats, costumes and parties, fall seasonal beers, changing leaves, crisp cool air, naked trees, that special outside smell that is Fall dissipating into Winter, Halloween candy and that kind of final transition from fall to winter-from life to death. October is all that I love about Fall, in one single month.

I like to think of October as "my" month. It is my birth month and thus usually puts me in a pensive mood as I slow down to reflect on yet another year of life; where I have been, where I am at and where it seems that God is leading. Where I have been for the last year is the city of Los Angeles; in this wild and crazy land of self indulgence, frivolous living and spiritual laziness. Where I am now, is broken and messy and completely stripped, revealing nothing but my raw humanity while simultaneously wading through a rather pernicious break-up.

Yet in the midst of all this confusion and fracturing and muck, God is here with me, and among me. He is making his presence felt and known, not with anger or judgement or condemnation but rather I am being met with incredible gentleness, amazing grace and hurricane-like love. So as I sit here writing with a bruised ego, a wounded heart and hurt feelings, I know exactly where it is I am going.

I am going home.

After more than a year of unprecedented stupidity and spiritual apathy, this prodigal child is heading home.

The last reason I love October is because for me, it is a time to start fresh and new. For many people their new beginning starts in January, but for me, my new year tends to begin in October.

Lessons From Fall

Last Saturday I was standing in front of the Inman Park/Reynoldstown train station waiting for a friend to pick me up. As I was standing there, waiting, eating a slice of homemade pineapple upside-down cake from the hipster bakery across the street, I began to take notice of the beautiful fall day that was around me.

 It was a gray day, but just gray enough to make it fall-like and just sunny enough that I wasn't freezing in my tee. The air was perfect, warm with the perfect amount of humidity and the softest breeze. Some of the leaves on the nearby trees were changing color, some of the leaves were steadily being blown off of the trees, adding to the growing number mounting on the ground. As far as I could see, there were leaves littering the ground making for a picturesque fall day in Atlanta.

As I was standing there, waiting, I started to think about the act of waiting itself. I was standing there in no particular hurry because where I was going was not urgent or pressing. Also relinquishing any sense of hurry as I had no control of how long I would be standing there because I was essentially on someone else’s time table. But the thing was, I wasn't frustrated, or impatient or annoyed. I was just waiting. Waiting because there simply wasn't anything else for me to do.

As I stood there, waiting there, pondering there, suddenly aware that I’d somehow stumbled into sacred space I thought to myself, why is it so hard to apply these principles to God? Is it because there is not this overwhelming sense of indefinite-ness? There is finality & tangibility in the fact that I will at some point get picked up. Is it just in this moment that I’m feeling un-hurried and patient? And so in certain seasons, like with everything else in life it is easier to wait than others. Perhaps in that moment it was easy to wait because I knew exactly what I was waiting for-a ride from a friend.

Many times I find myself in a place of waiting and I have no idea what I’m even waiting for. Which seems to be the case right now…and as always….

It is less about knowing, and more about trusting.

Lessons From Fall II

Fall. A season that I have grown up with and as a result has become something that I have taken for granted for year. Last year I didn’t have fall because I was living in L.A, and to be honest it wasn’t something that I noticeably missed other than I occasionally wanting to see some changing leaves.

L.A if you don’t know is not equipped for fall in the traditional sense. It’s a concrete jungle, with few trees that aren’t baby transplants in suburbs from some tree nursery. What does grow there are palm trees, which don’t shed their leaves or change colors and the weather stays about the same until November.

Since nothing really changes during the “fall season” in L.A there isn’t that fall feel that I’d become so familiar with; so familiar with in fact that I didn’t even notice it was gone. All of my favorite things about fall were still happening around me, seasonal Starbucks drinks and fall beers, pumpkins, apple cider and scarves but the specific feel that Fall has, was not there.

Upon returning home to the South I have realized just how much I love and have missed the beauty of fall. Fall, is a season of transition from summer to winter. It’s that in between place, a twilight of seasons if you will. It begins to move you into a place of anticipation and waiting as signs of life slowly disappear with the approach of winter. And while I have no idea what I am waiting for, for the first time in my life I am eagerly anticipating winter.

During winter everything seems to be barren and dead to the human eye but there is so much happening beneath the surface.

 God is preparing, renewing, restoring and creating new life to be presented to the world in the spring time.

And so it will be, with me.

Golden List

I was challenged by friend to start a Golden List-a list of all the little things that make your heart smile. I began mine while out here in L.A & on those days that are particularly hard, I pull it up on my computer and read through it. This weekend I hit #200. I thought I would share some of them here (This post is for you Rebekah!)



"I would maintain that 'Thanks' are the highest form of thought; and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder."
-G.K Chesterton-



1. Sweet Tea
2. Vanilla Bean Ice Cream
3. The Smell of the Ocean
15. Theological Conversations
20. The feel of the sun on my skin
35. Thunderstorms
39. Wheat Beer
45. Awesome Mustaches
53. Atlanta Aquarium
68. Vans Shoes
70. Fireflies
71. Laughing children
75. Texts from my Sister
83. The Month of October
91. 'Away We Go' (movie)
102. Hipster Sweaters
114. Biking on PCH
132. My Anderson Cooper Bookmark
133. Bacon Wrapped Hotdogs (don't judge me!)
150. Hot Tea
163. Wrist Watches
196. Orange Trees
197. Swiping Oranges from said Orange Tree
203. Sea Anemones
207. Corporate Worship 




"The choice for gratitude rarely comes without some real effort. But each time I make it, the next choice is a little easier, a little freer, a little less self-conscious. Because every gift that I acknowledge reveals another and another until, finally, even the most normal, obvious, and seemingly mundane event or encounter proves to be filled with grace."
-Henri Nouwen-

The Sacred & The Mundane: Vol I

    Since coming to L.A I’ve found myself in a very interesting place to say the least, most days  I would say a not so good place, spiritually speaking. I'm not sure where to find God these day- sure He's everywhere but  that's one of those abstract thoughts. I'm in a place right now that I need tangibility coupled with practicality. Sometimes I'll catch a glimpse of Him in my day. And maybe for this season, that's what it’s about. Looking for and taking pleasure in the little things. I thought about this a lot 2 Saturdays ago while I was biking down the PCH (Hwy 1).  Perhaps this is the tangibility & practicality that I've been praying for. (Sometimes I forget that what I pray for doesn't always come in the package that I expect it to) I've been having a hard time finding Him and maybe, just maybe the little things is where I'm supposed to be looking.

     As a result of this thought I've begun re-thinking my concept of what's considered spiritual. I used to think that spiritual things consisted of going to church, doing church things, reading, praying, saying & doing the right things (as much as possible), Making sure to follow the rules. As you're reading this you're probably going "to some extent that's true and to some extent some of that is legalism." My thoughts exactly- but what if it's more than that. What if we expanded spirituality to include the little things as well...since I'm certain that God exists there as well.

     So for me spirituality has now come to include having ice cream at my favorite place once a week, every week. Its hearing my kids say please & thank you without me reminding them. It’s my kids telling me that they're going to miss me in the afternoon because they know I won't be around to play. Spirituality for me has been expanded to throwing together a meal and having it turn out great. One of the biggest moments of spirituality for me is when I'm biking down the PCH (Hwy 1) or along the ocean in general, hitting my stride, in the zone, the salty ocean air in my lungs and on my face. This is one of the most consistently exhilarating and freeing times that I have since being out here-and to be honest that I've had in general for quite some time. Those moments of spirituality aren’t manufactured in a church building, by doing churchy things, or following rules, those moments happen in real life, while you're interacting with broken & hurting people, including one's self. And I'm NOT knocking the church, I just think that perhaps, there's not quite this distinct line between the sacred & the mundane.

Perhaps, the sacred & the mundane are one in the same, most days...