The Sacred & The Mundane: Vol I

    Since coming to L.A I’ve found myself in a very interesting place to say the least, most days  I would say a not so good place, spiritually speaking. I'm not sure where to find God these day- sure He's everywhere but  that's one of those abstract thoughts. I'm in a place right now that I need tangibility coupled with practicality. Sometimes I'll catch a glimpse of Him in my day. And maybe for this season, that's what it’s about. Looking for and taking pleasure in the little things. I thought about this a lot 2 Saturdays ago while I was biking down the PCH (Hwy 1).  Perhaps this is the tangibility & practicality that I've been praying for. (Sometimes I forget that what I pray for doesn't always come in the package that I expect it to) I've been having a hard time finding Him and maybe, just maybe the little things is where I'm supposed to be looking.

     As a result of this thought I've begun re-thinking my concept of what's considered spiritual. I used to think that spiritual things consisted of going to church, doing church things, reading, praying, saying & doing the right things (as much as possible), Making sure to follow the rules. As you're reading this you're probably going "to some extent that's true and to some extent some of that is legalism." My thoughts exactly- but what if it's more than that. What if we expanded spirituality to include the little things as well...since I'm certain that God exists there as well.

     So for me spirituality has now come to include having ice cream at my favorite place once a week, every week. Its hearing my kids say please & thank you without me reminding them. It’s my kids telling me that they're going to miss me in the afternoon because they know I won't be around to play. Spirituality for me has been expanded to throwing together a meal and having it turn out great. One of the biggest moments of spirituality for me is when I'm biking down the PCH (Hwy 1) or along the ocean in general, hitting my stride, in the zone, the salty ocean air in my lungs and on my face. This is one of the most consistently exhilarating and freeing times that I have since being out here-and to be honest that I've had in general for quite some time. Those moments of spirituality aren’t manufactured in a church building, by doing churchy things, or following rules, those moments happen in real life, while you're interacting with broken & hurting people, including one's self. And I'm NOT knocking the church, I just think that perhaps, there's not quite this distinct line between the sacred & the mundane.

Perhaps, the sacred & the mundane are one in the same, most days...

Beg

Tonight I went to check out a church service with 2 of my roommates. It was disappointing beyond words. We left early, if that gives you any idea about what it was like. I've never left a service early before simply because I didn't agree with how it was run. I came home weary & overwhelmed & put on some Shane & Shane to help me better process what the heck just happened.  I know there's deeper issues at the root of this.

 I wrote in my last post that God had asked "where, are you?" and I didn't really have an answer other than feeling lost while living in the land of apathy, excuses & laziness. Shane & Shane's song 'Beg' came on and as I listened to the words I thought to myself: "this is me, parts of the song are where I am currently, and other parts are probably where I've been prior to this desert season. I posted the lyrics. I don't know, maybe someone else needs these too.

Here I am

One more day of not
Loving Him the way He asks
In fact my heart is singing praises to the things
that make me feel alright

So I’m sinking fast like a stone heart should
And on the way down
I’ve done what I could
To try and try to turn this stone to flesh

I’m haunted by my God
Who has the right to ask me
What by the nature of my rebellion
I cannot give.

So I beg for you to move
I beg for you to move
I beg for you to break through

So here I am
Got my deeds for the day
All my cute little words about
How I am saved
Am I saved?

Could I love you with my mouth like a church kid should
At the end of the day
My words get burned as wood
Oh, but I was good.

I’m haunted by my God
Who has the right to ask me
What by the nature of my rebellion
I cannot give.

These songs are noise
In your ears
A clanging drum
You want my love

99 & 1

This past Saturday afternoon God asked me a remarkable question. After I had finished community meal, and returned a phone call I went outside and sat on the steps of the back porch. I needed some fresh air and it was a beautifully warm SoCal Saturday. I sat there enjoying the warmth of the sun on my skin wondering where to begin my conversation with God (it’s been awhile since we’ve talked) while my soul was sighing heavily-weary & overwhelmed.

Since being out here in L.A I’ve been battling apathy and distance from God. After 5 years of Christian college & studying the Bible I’m at a “so what” kind of place. What does all this stuff mean for a twenty something living in LA? Perhaps at one point I had some sort of answer (or perhaps it was optimism) but that seems to be less the case these days. I know that this is in part due to The Great Disconnect of the head & the heart. I also know that the rest is due to poor spiritual maintenance; I don’t really pray anymore unless someone texts me a specific request and I don’t read my Bible anymore. There’s a severe lack of desire & interest in these disciplines and I’ve more or less let myself go to pot spiritually speaking.

This was the place I found myself in, as I sat on the steps with God. I simply asked, “Where are you?” A few minutes later He told me that I was asking the wrong question. (no surprise there) And in true God fashion, He answered my question with a question-“where, are you?” I sat there baffled and intrigued by this query. This is the very same question He asked Adam & Eve in the garden on that unfortunate day. (Genesis 3)I imagine it’s the same question that plagued the father of the prodigal son,(Luke 15:11-32) while his child was away. I suspect that this is the same inquisition made when the Good Shepherd leaves the 99 to go find the 1.(Luke 15:3-7)

 The 99 & the 1. I used to pride myself on being part of the 99. It seems that I’ve forgotten that once upon a time, I was once the 1. It appears that in this season, I am again, the 1. I had to realize and admit in that moment that where I am, is lost. That where I am, is confused. That I am currently living in the land of doubt & apathy & excuses/laziness. I have no clue where I am, but He does. Even in the midst of my lost state, I am undoubtedly grateful for a God who loves & seeks the 1.